Find the reasons behind your child's disorganization
Here’s a common scenario:
I meet with a client who tells me that their kids don’t ever pick up after themselves and just leave everything lying around. Usually, it’s teenagers who are being complained about, but this applies to younger kids too. The parents are extremely frustrated and are tired of either picking up after the kids or nagging constantly in an attempt to get the kids to comply with orders to tidy up.
There are a few reasons, other than the kids’ disorganization, that this situation might occur:
1. The kids are defiant and refuse just for the sake of refusing or due to some other conflict.
2. The kids don’t clearly understand of what the parents expect the outcome to be.
3. No one actually knows where the items are supposed to go when they are ‘put away’.
The first reason is rarely the cause of kids not living up to the organization expectations of their parents. There’s almost always something else underlying the difficulty. Unfortunately, strategies offered by a professional organizer are not particularly useful here. Getting a therapist involved is generally the best course of action.
Reason number two is much more likely than number one. Often, parents expect that their kids should instinctively know what to do, without clear instruction or having been taught the skills of tidying and organizing. The way to remedy this is to give explicit instructions and be clear on what the outcome should be. “Clean up your room” is not sufficient. Instead, they might say something like, “put all your toys in their bins, put clean clothes in the dresser, and make your bed”, or “tidy your room to the point where nothing but furniture is on the floor”.
The majority of the time, however, reason number three is the cause of all the trouble, frustration, anger, and resentment.
The solution to this problem will take some time to work out as a family and might require the help of a professional organizer.
To tackle the problem as a family, here’s where to start:
Identify what items are usually being left out.
Determine where would be a good place for those items to live. Make sure everyone is in agreement. When deciding, consider where they fit best, but also where they will be used so they can be kept easily accessible when needed.
Negotiate how items will be stored, when they will be put away, and who will put them away.
If you’ve been finding it difficult to get your kids to tidy the way you want them to, which of the causes above can you identify as the reason?
Once you’ve identified the source of the difficulties in getting the kids to cooperate with tidying and putting things away, and worked to solve the problem, it’ll be important to model good tidying habits by creating a family tidy time where everyone goes around the house and puts things where they belong. Generally, I suggest doing this as an evening activity before winding down for the night.
Comment below to let me know what strategies you will employ to ease the tension when getting the kids involved in tidying up.
